Him and Steve Irwin have always been two of my favorite people. It sucks i will never meet them. I hope to follow what Steve did. Working with animals and connecting with them is amazing. But i also am so drawn to acting and seeing how well someone can act out all the emotions and seeing it in their eyes and hearing it in their voice and seeing their whole body and mind get into that one role to where you genuinely believe they are who this character is. THAT is a fantastic actor. I don’t know which one i wanna do more. Its confusing sometimes. Only time will tell.
So I found out a few months ago that wanting to ‘not exist’ or wishing you could ‘just sleep forever’ is also considered suicidal (specifically suicidal idealization). It shocked me cause I used to think that way when I was younger but had previously thought that being suicidal meant explicitly wanting to die.. but it actually involves wanting to not live too.
I think its an important thing to note cause it might allow someone to realize the severity of their condition earlier.
This was the funniest thing to me. Because I was talking to a counselor, and they were like “Are you suicidal?”
“No not really. But sometimes I don’t want to exist though”
“You do know that’s suicidal ideation?”
“…what?”
I wish I kind of knew before. Like honestly, we know so little about mental health.
Same goes for wanting to run away, I had this urge for the longest time, to just leave, I thought it was because I was looking for thrill or something but after a few dozen times of googling “why do I want to run away so badly?” And “is it normal to want to run away?” I found out that that’s also a symptom of depression and suicidal idealization, obviously not as strong but definetly also a part that’s not talked about a lot
–the Only Mood everyone else knows about: i wanna do THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS and–SQUIRREL
–galaxy brain: i was listening to the lecture but the prof said something that reminded me of something else and now i’m not sure how much time i was lost in thought
–the tutorial only comes in video format: i’m sorry, but you’ve thrown off the emperor’s groove *hurls product & its tutorial video into the sun*
–damn you hyperfocus: i went to bed intending to wake up and write but this morning i was possessed by a cleanliness spirit and spent the next 14 hours organizing the apartment
–i dont think u tried at all.jpg: did i seriously spend an entire free day refreshing twitter b/c i didn’t want to spend 10 minutes finishing my hw but wouldn’t let myself do anything else until i finished it???? (yes)
–patrick star: *unlocks phone* time to check the weather. *opens twitter* the weather. *opens messenger* the weather. *opens mobage game* the weather. *opens facebook* the weather. *opens twitter again* THE WEA–
–smells like depression: literally everything is too boring. i’m going back to sleep