Roman is a 17 year old living alone, emancipated, when he discovers orphaned 5 year old child Logan. He takes him in, almost on impulse, before realizing he has no idea how to take care of this child. Shenanigans ensue.
okay so roman’s parents lowkey suck ass so he’s been living on his own since he was sixteen. one day he’s walking to his tiny apartment when he sees this actual child abandoned in an alley and he’s like “oh shit i gotta help him” and they get home and roman’s like… “so do you eat ramen?”
They sit in silence the first night, slurping on ramen. Until Roman speaks up.
“So. Parents abondoned you, huh?”
“Yeah. They had too many kids already.”
“Ouch.”
“Mhm. This is good, by the way.”
“Glad you think that, because thats 90% of my diet. And now your diet.”
“you can’t just eat ramen, it seems unhealthy for an adult.”
“well, shoot, if you can find another meal that costs thirty cents a bowl, then we can find some other food.”
okay also children have no sense of age so:
‘roman, how old are you?”
“i’m 17.”
“wow… and you live like this? shouldn’t adults have a better house?”
“would you prefer the alley?”
roman later learns that that is not an okay joke to make to a five year old who was abandoned by his parents
Roman then realizes that he should probably get the child some schooling, but to his surprise, Logans already got it covered.
“There is a lot of stuff online. Look at khan academy!”
“Wow, okay then, kid, good for you?”
—
His 60 year old landlord, a fatherly figure named patton, comes in to check on a leak roman had complained about a few weeks ago, and discovers logan and g a s p s
“roman, you have a kid?”
“no… i don’t have a kid, what do you – oH SHIT YOU MEAN LOGAN”
Logan doesnt even look up from the book hes reading when he says: “one dollar in the swear jar, Roman”
“Yeah Logan is uh… Hes my kid now I guess.”
Pattin raises his eyebrow.
“Biological or…”
“No. Nit biological”
“He took me in off the streets!”
roman sighed. “you know what? we need to have a talk about what we tell people and what we don’t tell them right off the bat.”
“but you aren’t my biolo – biologi – my real daddy.”
“that’s one of the thing we don’t tell people.”
“Why not?”
“Because some people think- you kniw what im saving this conversation for later patton im sorry can you just fix my leak.”
“You know hes my grandson now”
“Is patton your dad?”
“Yes” “No” patton said yes. Roman said no
“I mean, youre basicalky my son. At least i think so.”
roman: jgadhkfhagsdhalskfdhl
“so he’s my grandpa?”
“you know what? this relationship is already weird as ffffffffffork. might as well add patton to it.”
“weird as fork doesn’t make sense.”
“you know what logan, i’m too broke to afford a swear jar right now, let me have this.”
“roman, don’t you have school today?” patton asked.
“i do but then who takes care of my – the kid?”
Pattons eyes light uo and roman realizes what he just said.
“I can!!!! Im retired and just hang around all day!” The old man looks suddenly young and spry again. He bouncing in hus heels, looking at roman like a puppy
“Are you sure youre sixty, because sometimes i think you cant be a day over 11.”
“Is that a yes?”
“it’s not a no?” roman sighs. “logan, would you like to spend the day with patton?”
“that would be satisfactory, yes.”
“jesus, you have a better vocabulary than me. oh, and patton, if virgil comes over, i moved.”
“Whos Virgil?”
Roman sighed. Of course logan was curios. He was curious about everything.
I love this version too
“You know kiddo,” said Patton as he fixed the leak. “If you’re planning on taking Lo-lo here in as your kid-“
“I do not approve of that nickname please grampa!” Logan said over his book.
“Then shouldn’t you tell your boyfriend about him too?”
“Virgil is not my boyfriend *mutters* yet, and we are NOT having this ffffreaking discussion right now.”
“Yet?” Logan asked, eyebrow raised. “So am I getting two dads now?”
Roman is a 17 year old living alone, emancipated, when he discovers orphaned 5 year old child Logan. He takes him in, almost on impulse, before realizing he has no idea how to take care of this child. Shenanigans ensue.
okay so roman’s parents lowkey suck ass so he’s been living on his own since he was sixteen. one day he’s walking to his tiny apartment when he sees this actual child abandoned in an alley and he’s like “oh shit i gotta help him” and they get home and roman’s like… “so do you eat ramen?”
They sit in silence the first night, slurping on ramen. Until Roman speaks up.
“So. Parents abondoned you, huh?”
“Yeah. They had too many kids already.”
“Ouch.”
“Mhm. This is good, by the way.”
“Glad you think that, because thats 90% of my diet. And now your diet.”
“you can’t just eat ramen, it seems unhealthy for an adult.”
“well, shoot, if you can find another meal that costs thirty cents a bowl, then we can find some other food.”
okay also children have no sense of age so:
‘roman, how old are you?”
“i’m 17.”
“wow… and you live like this? shouldn’t adults have a better house?”
“would you prefer the alley?”
roman later learns that that is not an okay joke to make to a five year old who was abandoned by his parents
Roman then realizes that he should probably get the child some schooling, but to his surprise, Logans already got it covered.
“There is a lot of stuff online. Look at khan academy!”
“Wow, okay then, kid, good for you?”
—
His 60 year old landlord, a fatherly figure named patton, comes in to check on a leak roman had complained about a few weeks ago, and discovers logan and g a s p s
“roman, you have a kid?”
“no… i don’t have a kid, what do you – oH SHIT YOU MEAN LOGAN”
Logan doesnt even look up from the book hes reading when he says: “one dollar in the swear jar, Roman”
“Yeah Logan is uh… Hes my kid now I guess.”
Pattin raises his eyebrow.
“Biological or…”
“No. Nit biological”
“He took me in off the streets!”
roman sighed. “you know what? we need to have a talk about what we tell people and what we don’t tell them right off the bat.”
“but you aren’t my biolo – biologi – my real daddy.”
“that’s one of the thing we don’t tell people.”
“Why not?”
“Because some people think- you kniw what im saving this conversation for later patton im sorry can you just fix my leak.”
“You know hes my grandson now”
“Is patton your dad?”
“Yes” “No” patton said yes. Roman said no
“I mean, youre basicalky my son. At least i think so.”
roman: jgadhkfhagsdhalskfdhl
“so he’s my grandpa?”
“you know what? this relationship is already weird as ffffffffffork. might as well add patton to it.”
“weird as fork doesn’t make sense.”
“you know what logan, i’m too broke to afford a swear jar right now, let me have this.”
“roman, don’t you have school today?” patton asked.
“i do but then who takes care of my – the kid?”
Pattons eyes light uo and roman realizes what he just said.
“I can!!!! Im retired and just hang around all day!” The old man looks suddenly young and spry again. He bouncing in hus heels, looking at roman like a puppy
“Are you sure youre sixty, because sometimes i think you cant be a day over 11.”
“Is that a yes?”
“it’s not a no?” roman sighs. “logan, would you like to spend the day with patton?”
“that would be satisfactory, yes.”
“jesus, you have a better vocabulary than me. oh, and patton, if virgil comes over, i moved.”
“Whos Virgil?”
Roman sighed. Of course logan was curios. He was curious about everything.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR BITTER JEALOUS LONELINESS HOWARD STERN
YES SO GOOD!!!!!
And she will be a completely different woman, but that’s alright.
Most folks with this guy’s mindset will go far in life.
I’m still proud of the fact that a couple of years ago, I tweeted to Sarah Michelle Gellar and asked if Stern had paid up on his bet. To my great surprise, she actually replied and said he hadn’t and he owed them money. 😂😂
AlexTheGhost 